Mark Rendall

 I want to be a vampire

   "I can promise you, you'll stay as beautiful, with dark hair, and soft skin ...Forever."

   --excerpt from Possum Kingdom, THE TOADIES

   I've been watching vampire flicks and horror movies since I can remember. My sister and brother and I would snuggle-up as close as we could get to my mother, all of us at one end of the couch, and we'd sit there, this huddled mass of quivering anticipation, as we watched the latest "scary show" on TV. And for as long as I can remember, I'd always rooted for the creature: Hey, leave Frankenstein alone! Don't shoot the Wolfman with that silver bullet! Get away from Dracula with that damned stake! Show some understanding for that poor Phantom/opera aficionado; Who hasn't done something stupid in the name of love? This is a sensitive guy!

Vampires are very sensual creatures.

   It wasn't until much later that I remember movies finally being made from the sympathetic perspective of the creature: The Frankenstein monster didn't ask to be pieced together and re-animated. He was just doing the best he could with what that lunatic with the god-complex gave him, wasn't he? (note: That funky old drama, Fantasy Island, actually had one of the best versions -as from the sympathetic view of the Frankenstein monster- that I've ever seen, to this day) Did the Wolfman go looking to be attacked by a werewolf and turned into a lycanthrope? No. But, there he was, just trying to make the best of a bad situation. These were stand-up guys who'd run into a little misfortune, and a lot of intolerance. Did the vampire beg to be turned into an immortal creature who would stay young and beautiful forever? ...Well, did he? Did she?

   That's the question, isn't it?

To Fang or Not to Fang?

   C'mon, this is a no-brainer. You get to live forever - well, relatively - possibly thousands of years, and you get to look dark and mysterious while doing it. Sign me up! OK, so there's a few, teeny-tiny little stipulations, not even worth mentioning, really: You have to drink blood to stay alive, and you can't go into the sunlight.

   Not a problem. Let's take the sunlight hurdle first. Unless you live near a coast, how much Sun do you normally get, anyway?

   The first vampire movie was 1922's "Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror" (Directed by F.W. Murnau) starring German actor Max Schreck as the big screen's first vampire; Count Orlock.

   The first known vampire novel/magazine,"The Vampyre," was written in 1819 by John Polidori, an Italian/English physician and writer. But it was Bram Stoker's "Dracula" (1897) which popularized the vampire. Click here to read The Vampyre online in its entirity

Bram Stoker

   And then there's the whole drinking-blood issue. First, it doesn't have to be human blood. That's just the preferred cuisine. And second, if you do have your mind set on human blood, how many freaks, killers, psychoes, child molesters, gang members, terrorists, etc, etc, etc, in the news would you like to see just... gone? You'd be doing society - hell, the world - a favor. You'd be a hero! The Vampire Hero. Of course, you couldn't tell anyone of all the unselfishly wonderful things you do for humanity by draining these creeps dry because they'd hunt you down and drive a stake through your heart and/or chop your head off. They won't care about all the scum you've taken off the streets. You're Immortal and beautiful, dammit, and they will not stand for it!

The brides of Dracula

The Vampire Hero

   So, as I stated earlier -somewhere near the beginning, I think- it wasn't until recently that these so-called monsters moved from grotesque beast status to handsome, beautiful, mysterious, dangerously erotic, brooding anti-heroes. And with no creature is this more true than the vampire. I can think of three recent TV dramas off the top of my head where the hero is a vampire: "Forever Knight," "Angel," and the current "Moonlight."

In "Forever Knight" the guy was actually a cop. This might not be as silly as you think. Say, you're a vampire, still not quite a hundred yet. You still can't figure out the stock market (being an immortal doesn't make you a whiz at the NYSE) and you haven't been alive long enough to have collected a bunch of priceless antiques. What do you do?

   There's one thing you no longer need to worry about; rising food costs. But you do need to get set-up with some "fly duds" and cool digs. A loft, or warehouse that you can turn into a loft, at the least. And it's got to look like a vampire lives there: A Lot of dark, polished wood, some brass, tapestries hanging here and there, a few small statues to give it that "Gothic" feel - Hey, I pay attention! And some great big mirrors. You won't need these to peer at your beautiful, immortal self because, well, you're a vampire and you have no reflection, but they do make a room look bigger. And what a great cover-story: "If I was a vampire, would I have all these mirrors hanging around?"

   So, where were we?...

Vampire/werewolf hybrid, Scott Speedman

... Oh ya: Livelihood. Something you're good at. If you're a vampire, what are you good at? Killing people! And no, you don't go around just killing humans indiscriminately. You're not a monster! Not anymore, anyway. You kill bad guys. You get to be a super hero!

   So, the question remains, and think about it: A life-span of 70-to-80 years, barring any unfortunate accidents or diseases? Or... a few thousand years as a vampire?

   Me? Eu vreau să fiu un vampir!

   Vampires have been present throughout ancient folklore the world over and have been known by a variety of names, including: "revenant," "vrykolakas" (Greece), "strigoi" (Romania), and chupacabra.

Vampire cursed with a soul, David Boreanaz as Angel

The Vampire Sub-Culture

   It's not difficult to see why there is an entire sub-cultural built around vampires. Enter "vampire" into a search engine and you'll come up with millions of entries. Some are Web sites of vampire cults, maintained by individuals who claim to be vampires.

   There are vampire night clubs throughout the world, where vampire-wannabes gather to dress and act like vampires. These people also claim, since they drink blood - and they do drink blood, that they're real vampires.

   I'm unconvinced. Show me a picture or painting of yourself from a hundred years ago or more. Then, maybe I'll believe. Or better yet, in 50 years if you haven't aged, or died, I might believe then, too.

   Anne Rice is the undisputed queen of vampire fiction. Two of her novels, "Interview with the Vampire" and "Queen of the Damned" were made into movies - loved 'em both. If you would like to get into vampire fiction, you start with Anne Rice. Period.

Still creepy, the stairway scene from "Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror."

   Worthy of mention, romance novelist Nora Roberts published one of the best vampire trilogies I've come across; Circle Trilogy. Ms. Roberts skillfully blended horror with modern-day fantasy while weaving a story that was difficult to put down. The love scenes were more graphic than I was used to reading, but hey, she is a romance novelist!

The bat is the only mammal capable of true flight.